Maximizing Shareholder Value Through Strategic Negligence Since 2008
Your Problems Are Our Profit™
Big Evil Corporation is the industry leader in creating sustainable technical debt and fostering environments where problems compound exponentially. With over 15 years of experience in making simple things complicated, we've helped countless organizations achieve unprecedented levels of developer turnover and project failure.
Our mission is simple: extract maximum value while delivering minimum results. We believe in the power of buzzwords, the necessity of unnecessary meetings, and the fundamental principle that yesterday's solution is today's problem waiting to happen.
Learn More About Our Mission →Our Core Competencies
We offer a comprehensive suite of solutions designed to create lasting technical debt, foster organizational dysfunction, and ensure your systems remain unmaintainable for decades to come.
Keep your codebase mysterious and unmaintainable. Documentation is for the weak. We ensure only the original developer (if they can even remember) understands how anything works.
Learn More →Why solve problems once when you can patch them forever? Our quick-fix methodology guarantees exponential complexity growth and compound interest on your technical debt.
Learn More →Proprietary everything. Custom formats. Incompatible systems. You'll never escape, and that's the beauty of it. Migration? That's just a fantasy we encourage to boost morale.
Learn More →We help management set unrealistic expectations and ignore technical reality. Burnout is just commitment by another name. Ship fast, break things, never fix them.
Learn More →Why use a simple solution when a complex, fragile architecture will do? Microservices for your blog! Kubernetes for your landing page! More is always better.
Learn More →Manual processes. Multiple failure points. Deploy on Friday at 5 PM. What could go wrong? We make every release an adventure in chaos and weekend work.
Learn More →By The Numbers
Projects Successfully Derailed
Average Developer Turnover Rate
Lines of Unreadable Code Generated
Average Cost Per Bug Fix (Excluding Meetings)
*Results may vary. Actually, they won't. They'll be consistently terrible.
Client Success Stories
"Big Evil Corporation helped us achieve what we thought was impossible: a complete system rewrite that somehow made everything worse. Remarkable."
CTO, TechStartup Inc. (Former CTO)
"I've never seen a consulting firm so committed to creating dependencies. We literally can't function without them now. It's impressive, really."
VP Engineering, SaaS Company (Now Unemployed)
"They promised vendor lock-in and they delivered. We've tried to migrate away three times. We're still here. Send help."
IT Director, Enterprise Corp